'I dont allow my mother-in-law to babysit because she goes through my stuff'
A Reddit user asked her fellow subreddit followers for advice on setting boundaries with her mother-in-law
A Reddit user took to a popular forum to field advice from other social media users about her mother-in-law, who she said has crossed several boundaries in her son's marriage and with her grandchild.
The subreddit is called AITAH, which is short for "Am I The A--hole Here?" It is an online space for anonymous users to request perspective on their own behavior from strangers, who are encouraged to side either with or against them after reading their story.
On Monday, Reddit user u/AlwaysFashionLA shared several short anecdotes about her mother-in-law acting inappropriately, and the way in which finally stood up to her. Commenters on the post did not hold back when it came to their judgment of the situation.
"I came home from work last week to find some of my clothes on the couch," the Redditor began. "When I asked what was happening her exact response was 'I was going through your closet and found some great options for a date night I have this week.'"
She also noted that her mother-in-law would sometimes open their mail without telling them, especially letters from banks. She and her husband had repeatedly asked her not to touch their private things, she said.
The Redditor's child is 5 months old, she said, and they pay for daycare services five times a week. Even still, her mother-in-law asks her to watch her grandchild once a week at their home, where she presumably goes through their belongings.
"Now I have finally put my foot down and said that if she wants to watch him, it has to be in her house," the Redditor wrote. "She is so mad at me and apparently I am entitled and don’t appreciate how much she is helping us when she babysits. I am at a loss for words."
The reason her mother-in-law feels she can treat her this way is because "she sees [her] as a daughter," she wrote.
"We don’t have that kind of relationship, it’s just her trying to justify her actions. My own mother would never behave like that and invade our privacy."
Commenters were virtually unanimous across more than 900 comments in their support for the poster's refusal to continue letting her mother-in-law invade her home.
"NTA," one commenter wrote as shorthand for "Not The A--hole," their official judgment of the situation. "If she can't be trusted to follow normal social mores, then she can't be trusted to watch your child, period. Not at your house not at her house. Let her know that you will no longer be needing her services, and it is because you don't trust her."
"Going through your stuff without your permission is NOT acceptable. It's not OK to do it without asking and even worse if you've specifically asked her and she did it again anyway," another commenter said. "Who cares if she sees you as a daughter? Even if you were her daughter that is still out of line!"
Other commenters pointed their criticisms at the poster's husband for failing to adequately intervene in his mother's behavior.
"You have a husband problem," one person wrote. "She feels entitled because her son does not respect you enough to put a stop to it."
It is common on the AITAH subreddit for posters of popular stories to post again once their predicament develops further.
